North Muskham, Notts. - Plough Monday Play
M.W.Barley Collection (1957. W.Gascoyne)
Context:
Location: North Muskham, Notts.. England (SK7958)
Year: Perf. Before 1914
Time of Occurrence: [Not given]
Collective Name: Plough Boys
Source:W.Gascoyne
M. W. Barley collection. 1st Feb. 1954,
Cast:
Tom Fool
Recruiting Sergeant / King Sergeant
Lady / Lady Bright and Gay / Polly
Thrashing Blade.
Doctor
Eezum Squeezum
Little Clown
Text:
Tom Fool
In comes I that's never been before.
There's six more actors at the door;
Some can dance and some can sing.
By your consent they shall come in.
Hokum Pokum France and Spain,
Step in King Sergeant once again.
Recruiting Sergeant
In comes I the Recruiting Sergeant,
I've arrived here just now,
I've had orders from the King
To list all jolly fellows
That follow horse, cartor plough.
Tinkers, Tailors, pedlars, nailers,
Chimney sweeps to my advance
The more I hear the fiddler play,
The better I dance
Tom Fool
Faith lad. ye dance
Recruiting Sergeant:
I can either dance, sing or say.
Tom Fool
Dont die nor fear.
In a short time the Lady will appear.
Lady{singing to the Wassail tune}
In comes the Lady bright and gay
With fortunes and sweet charms
I've constantly got thrown away
right into my lover's arms.
He swears that I will wed with him
As you may understand;
I've got another sweetheart
And along with him I'll go.
Recruiting Sergeant
Do you love me Polly ?
Lady
Yes to be sorry.
Recruiting Sergeant
When shall it be, our wedding day ?
Lady{ Wassail song} ,
Tomorrow will be our wedding day
And we will then repair
Unto the Bell at Edmonton
All in a chaise and pair.
Thrashing Blade {Carrying a stocking stuffed}
In comes I old Thrashing Blade
I've thrashed all over England
And I'll thrash you, Tom.
Tom Fool
Thrash me?
Thrashing Blade
Yes. thrash you {hits him with stocking}.
{Tom Fool falls}
Lady
Five pound for a doctor
Another No. 1
Ten to stop away.
Another No. 2
Fifteen to come to Muskham to a sad case like this!
Doctor {raps loudly}
Woa boys, Woa boys.
take hold of my horse;
take hold of his tail.
I've just come horse back on a pig.
Give him a good stiff feed of thack pegs,|
groom him down with a brick,
drink with an iron bar.
in comes I the Doctor.
Recruiting Sergeant
How became you a doctor ?
Doctor
By my travels.
Recruiting Sergeant:
Where'd you travel?
Doctor
England, Ireland, France and Spain,
And many more nations I can't name.
I've been to York,
I've cured Mrs. Cork;
emptied a teapot half full of flour
tumbled upstairs,
made my stocking leg bleed.
I've been further than that:
I've been to Hellamatitty
where there's neither land nor city
pigstyes paved with dumplings
houses thatched with pancakes
little pigs running up and down the street
with knives and forks in their belly
crying out ''Who'll eat me''
I've run punch -kick at one
knocked him over nineteen hedges and twenty church steeples
and I broke every back bone he had in his ribs.
Recruiting Sergeant
You seem a very clever doctor.
Please try your skill on this young man.
Doctor /Examines him}
His pulse is very weak;
well I'll soon put that right.
He's had a wheelbarrow across his chest
and it won't digest
Feed him on green taty tops for a week
and give him a good dose of epsom salts
and he'll be quite alright.
This man's not dead he's in a trance.
Rise up, young man, and let us dance.
{Enter Eezum Squeezum:}
Eezum Squeezum
In comes I old Eezum Squeezum.
On my back I carry my besom.
Under my arm an old tin pan;
Don't you think I'm a funny old man ?
Money I want and money I crave.
If you don't give me money
I'll sweep you all to the grave.
Little Clown
In comes I the Little Clown
I carry my box under my arm:
Penny or twopence'll do no harm,
Sixpence or shilling'll do more good
Because it's made of the very best wood.
Ladies and gentlemen
sit down at your ease,
Put your hands in your pockets
and pay what you please.
{All sing (Wassail tune)}
Good master and good mistress
As you sit by your fire.
Remember us poor plough lads
Who plough through mud and mire:
The mire it is so very deep
And the water runs so clear;
We thank you for your Christmas box
And a gallon of your best beer.
Notes:
Two teams - one men, one youths. W. Gascoyne was in youths team - 18-20 years of age. When they came to the Old Hall, N. Muskham, they came into the scullery and knocked at the kitchen door, opened it and said: "Plough boys are here; may we act ?"
Costumes: For Lady..Harry Clipsham padded out with straw, bustle behind. Faces blacked except Doctor. Doctor with false moustache.
Eezum Squeezum..O!d black hat; sack over him, and sacking tied out over arms, stuffed
Tom Fool, "patchcd-up" clothing
Rehearsed "in anybody's barn". Last done before 1914.